Worst Mother of the Year Award


I made Carsten lunch yesterday and then we settled into the couch to watch one of my favorite animal shows, The Incredible Dr Pol. (Nat Geo Wild)

Carsten – what is this?
Me – it’s Dr Pol!
Carsten – is that the weird old guy?
Me – he isn’t weird! ………. Okay. Maybe stripping down and going bare-chested shoulder deep into a cow’s butt to deliver a calf is a little out of the box…..
Carsten – *blink blink
Me – I saved this episode to watch with you!
Carsten – okay. *eyeroll

We settle in with our vegetarian chicken patties and mac-n-cheese and start the show. The episode starts with a family bringing in a few of their pigs and one little piggy has a problem….

Me – oh! You see, sometimes pigs get a prolapsed anus…. Basically, their butthole pops out.
Carsten – I.can’t.even.
Me – it’s an easy fix! They shove this tube thing in their butt that acts as a poop chute and then they wrap a rubber band around it TIGHTLY and the part that is outside just dies and falls off!
Carsten – *stops eating while I am talking. Why do you EVEN KNOW THIS?
Me – it’s pretty much common knowledge.
Carsten – no.it.isn’t.
Me – oh. Hmm.
Carsten – *gagging
Me – uh-oh.  you better not watch right now.
Carsten – why not?
Me – this pig has a complication.
Carsten – oh no. WHAT??
Me – the other pigs are eating his prolapsed anus, his rectum to be exact….
Carsten – ARGH!!! stop saying prolapsed anus.
Me – it’s nature!
Carsten – *stares at TV in abject horror. Oh God. Oh GAWWWDDD! Turn it off! Turn it off NOW! I feel sick. I feel super sick.
Me – *turns channel quickly to a show about fashion.
Carsten – I don’t think I can do this.
Me – you don’t like Diane Von Furstenberg? She is a famous designer!
Carsten – not that. This. *points at the squishy macaroni.
Me – because it reminds you of a prolapsed anus?
Carsten – *nods with hand over mouth.
Me – I’m really sorry?
Carsten – stop talking to me.
Me – But…….
Carsten – NOPE
Me – I just……..
Carsten – Phhhhhhfft!
Me – worst mother of the year award?
Carsten – pretty much.


7 thoughts on “Worst Mother of the Year Award

  1. SNORT… yanno what we do with goats that prolapse, you sprinkle sugar on it, and most times it goes back in by itself 🙂 maybe don’t tell Carsten though lmao

    Liked by 1 person

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