Smart Mouth

The last two years have been a little rough for me in the friendship department, to say the least.  It’s hard to find the motivation to blog when you know that people who were once your closest confidantes are now strangers being voyeurs into a life they no longer deserve to be a part of.  I guess part of me kind of figured after the dust settled, people would realize what a good friend I had been for 8 years and come back to me.

That didn’t happen.  People are disappointing.

I find that this time of year it is especially hard not to feel lonely, to feel like you are the only one that doesn’t have a tribe of friends, the only one that isn’t going on a girl’s trip, the only one whose phone isn’t lighting up with hundreds of texts.  I think it happens to all of us, the doubts, the insecurities, the feeling as if life is a bit unbalanced in the karma department.

But tonight I feel a renewed sense of hope, and I feel the desire to get back into the blogging saddle.  I feel like blogging about the people in my life, the old friends that have stood by me, the friends that came around and the new friends I have found. I am so very grateful for each and every one of you.

To Mary Nell.  For being my ride or die since the 9th grade.  There is no one more readily available to threaten bodily harm to anyone that hurts me.  I love every minute we spend together, which never seems to be enough minutes by the way. You are the keeper of my memories.  I love you and you are my bestie, for now and always.

To Pamela.  There is no one more willing to cover for a murder than you.  Haha. I know you’d do absolutely anything for me. I cannot imagine a single day going by without talking to you.  You are the coauthor of almost every text I send and the person I tell EVERYTHING to, because you are the only person who really wants to know what I ate for breakfast and how I prepared it and where I bought the ingredients and if I took a photo, etc…. I just mean that you care about every single thing I do and that means so much to me.

To Mandi.  You have stood by me during more things than a friend should have to.  I have asked more of you than most people would have been willing to give….. You have held me up when I simply could not stand.  There are so many things that no one else would understand except for you.

To Marie.  Spending time with you renews my soul.  I feel honored to know you on a level that most people never see.  We have made so many memories and I hope that there are so so so many more.  Your friendship is the most complicated I’ve ever had, but I would not trade a single second for ANYTHING.

To Brittany.  No matter how much time passes between when we talk or see each other, I know without hesitation that you are my person. Your loyalty is unquestionable and that is the most admirable trait in a friend, in my opinion.  You love so fully and completely and I just feel SO honored to be able to call you my friend.

To Carsten.  You are not only my daughter, you are my best friend.  You make me feel like everything I have done in life is worth it. If I have done one thing right in this life, it is you. I love you more than words can express.

To Joanna.  New friendships are hard, especially with an age difference AND long distance.  But you have made me feel so loved and so accepted.  I love you and Kyle so very very much.

To LaNette.  You stood by me…. the end.  You didn’t go with the crowd, you didn’t take a leave of absence, you didn’t divide your loyalty, you just picked ME.  I cannot even explain how much that means to me.  Also, you beat breast cancer and that pretty much makes you invincible in my book.

To Kendal.  You are a joy.  You make me laugh and you make me excited about life and you have taught me that it is never too late to make a new friend. Even if she is young enough to be your daughter.  😉

To Carly.  You make me feel talented and smart and like I matter…. and it’s a gift to make people feel that way.   You make me feel like I have made a difference in your life and that is an honor.

To Mary Beth.  You are the best free therapist in the land.  Thank you for letting me vent and cry, even if I am crying off the eyelashes as you apply them.

To Sheri.  For always being on my team, for letting me talk through the worst parts of my life and for always making me feel beautiful.

To Cate.  For never giving up on me, no matter how bad I am at texting you back or no matter how complicated things get…. you have never left my side, you are always checking in.  You are a good friend.

To my niece Jenna.  For making me feel like someone would pick me for a mother if they could.  For making me feel so completely loved and adored.

To my sisters Cara and Kristen.  You have listened even when it made you feel uncomfortable, you have let me cry and you have fully embraced Dustin.  It is truly an honor to have sisters that I can call my friends.

To Sara. For being the best, most supportive sister in law I could ever imagine. You complete this family.

To Lisa.  It has been an honor to be a part of your journey this past year.  I have been able to get lost in your joy and feel privileged to lift you up when you feel lost.  You, my friend, are the sweetest of souls and I am so lucky to know you.

To Anna and Gus.  For being friends since we were single digits.  I know that no matter the time or circumstance, I could call on you both and you would be here, no questions asked.

To my Mother and Father.  It hasn’t been easy to listen to me struggle, to listen to me mourn my old life, to listen to my fears about my new life, to embrace this new person in my life.  Serious discussions pretty much give you both hives and I know this past two years has been as hard on you as it has been on me, I know this because I am a parent too.  So, thank you for being there for me.

To my son. I know you don’t always understand me and I know this hasn’t been easy.  I know our relationship is changing.  Thank you for still trying.

To Megan and Bri.  Thank you for being so supportive and for being good friends to Cody.  Thank you for showing me so much compassion during one of the hardest times in my life.

And most importantly, thank you to the man that is my biggest supporter and loudest cheerleader. Dustin, you have taught me what it feels like to be fully loved, what it is like to have an equal partner, how truly amazing life can be when you are with the person who you are meant to be with.  It is NEVER too late to live happily ever after and I have found my happily ever after with you.

When I lay it all out in black and white, I have no idea how I could ever feel alone.  I am surrounded by so many incredible people who show me love in so many different ways and for that I am so incredibly grateful.