Smart Mouth

Hello my peoples. 

*Confession #1, I suck at blogging lately.  Going forward, I do solemnly swear to do better.  And by better I mean more than one blog a month.  Hold on to your chairs, I may even attempt ONE BLOG A WEEK.

*Ummmm…. every Saturday I consider doing a “Stupid Zoo Visitor of the Week” blog.  I luff working at the zoo, but oy vey people, sometimes we get some STRANGE people there.  Like the guy that asked me if chickens were in the reptile family.  Or how about the people that think it a brilliant plan to tackle their child’s fear of goats by forcing their child to enter the goat pen whilst holding a HANDFUL of food that the goats would gladly trample each other, the child and anything that happens to be in the way in pursuit of said food.  I LOVE that.  I live for children shrieking in fear.

*Another thing I LOVE?  People that get pissed at me for asking them to do something for THEIR OWN safety or the safety of THEIR CHILDREN.  I don’t know WHY people think it is a good idea to put their children atop a structure that the goats are vigorously butting each other off of…. but yah.  They get pissed at me for telling them to get their kids down. 

Or how about the mom that got mad at me for pulling her son down off of the railing of the pig pen.  He was leaning over it about to fall into a pen with a 500lb pig!  Who ALSO happened to be a VERY PROTECTIVE mother of 9 piglets!  GAH!  My bad lady, I shoulda let him get mauled. 

*Ok, now something I TRULY love, not sarcastic love…. the baby chick that is three weeks old now that loves to sit perched atop my shoulder.  For each half hour rotation in the chicken house I pretend I am a pirate with a chicken parrot.

*Who else watches Kathy Griffin ~ My Life on the D List?  Holy schrapnel people!  She makes my sides hurt with laughter.  Last week she put her elderly mother, Maggie (who is almost 90) in charge of her facebook page, and then Maggie made wall posts about wine sales at Trader Joe’s and made a drunk video post.  (Maggie’s a fan of wine)  So, then?  Kathy fired Maggie.

This week they are making Maggie “bucket list”… a few of the things she wants to do before she dies?  A nice play here and there. Sobriety.  A nice meal.  A good bm. And seeing the “wine section” of California.  

(If that didn’t make you laugh, trust me, it is much funnier than I make it sound!) 

*Have I mentioned lately that RA sucks?  It does.  I’m gonna be honest…. I do not like the new meds.  I feel shitty for a week, then good for a week, then so-so for a week and then shitty for week and then REPEAT!  EVERY MONTH!  Don’t lie.  I know you are jealous.

*There is some kind of fertility spree happening on my block.  There were ALREADY four babies under 1 (in 17 houses) and now there were just twin baby girls born, and now another neighbor is pregnant.  Don’t drink the water if you visit me.

*I leave Friday for KS.  Cody starts space camp on Sunday, Carsten on Monday.  I am gonna spend the week hanging out with my niece, doing what?  I am not sure… something involving water because it is supposed to be frickin 103 degrees when I get there.  WTF?  I am going to die.

*What is wrong with ME that I get dogs that are obsessive lickers?  They obsessively lick the carpet, their legs, the couch, each other…. it makes me want to purel the entire house.

Well, time to wrangle Carsten into bed.  And by wrangle, I mean yell from the couch without moving cuz that is how I roll when I feel like stir-fried shit.