Smart Mouth

 Holy hell it rained a lot here!

It started yesterday morning at 9am and rained all. day. long. It was still raining when we went to bed last night. The cherry on top of my rainy sundae was the funnel clouds forming over a neighboring community that were headed straight for our house at 11pm last night. Luckily no tornados formed, but HELLO? We aren’t in Kansas anymore Toto, why are there tornados here? Are you stalking me tornado? Tornado ~ am I the celebrity and you are the delusional middle aged bald man? I don’t love you tornado, we will neverbe together! So, please, go bother someone else.

So yeah, back the rain! People! My dock is UNDER WATER! Look!

See that boat? It isn’t mine! It floated down here sometime in the night! When I took the kids to school this morning I noticed it was lodged up under my dock, looking like it was seriously contemplating drowning itself. When I got home there was a guy out in the water with his pants legs all rolled up trying to drag it to shore, so I got out of the truck and yelled an euthusiastic, “HOLY HELL!!! Enough water for ya’?!?!?!” to him.

Anyone want to guess who it was?

Anyone? ANYONE?

Yeah. The. Baptist. Minister.

Why? Oh Why? The one time I decide to shout out obscenities to a stanger does that stranger have to be my neighbor the baptist minister?????? Seriously people, if there is a God….. he is seriously laughing his arse off at me AT LEAST a few times a week.

So, after a brief introuduction and some nervous laughter I helped Captain Jesus drag his boat ashore. And, bless his heart, he bit his tongue and didn’t invite me to church! Hurray!

So, I am alive and whatnot people. Just a little wet and a little less innocent in the eyes of the neighborhood Baptists.

Over and out.