Smart Mouth

Squawky birds and barking dogs that vocalize WAAAAAAY more often than they should.

Line-dried towels that have exfoliated the top five layers of my skin thus far.

The amount of hours spent convincing my mother the internet is NOT the devil and I do not need a twelve step program for IM addiction.

Paying for the majority of things because “I am rich”. (really? I am? Someone please inform my checking account.)

The scolding and chastising I endure. Yes, I did drink ALL my margarita. No, I do not need to take just four more bites. No, my underwear is NOT too sexy. Yes, it is all right to ask my daughter to eat all her food. No, it is NOT all right to make her cry by giving her a 30 minute lecture on the starving children in Ethiopia.

The endless discussions…(though it may SHOCK the life out of you, I hardly get a word in edgewise while I am here. My Mom does 99% of the talking) some of our finest discussions include: The great turtle search of 2007 (where are they? howcan we find one? when will we find one? yes. I DO think the zoo would notice if you took that turtle, Mom.) downed fences from the flooding (did you see that one? how about THAT one? OMG! look at THAT! ONE!) and people/things to make fun of. (What was she thinking when she got dressed? Why are they auctioning that land instead of selling it? Look at THAT church sign! Father’s Day was SO long ago! Shameful, really, that they haven’t changed that sign yet.)

And ummmmmmm, the embarrassing moments. Even at 32 it is traumatic and embarrassing for me to see my Mom in her underwear. (Somehow I need to convey to her that it is NOT a good time for a talk when she is dripping wet and wrapped in a towel.) Oh, and my personal favorite, her people skills. Confrontation to her means not saying it to the person, but saying something ABOUT the person loud enough so that they can hear. No one is safe. Not me, not the waiter at the restaurant, not the mommy’s at the zoo. Trust me Internets, I have wished the ground would swallow me whole more times than I care to remember. In fact, at this moment my brain is working overtime to repress all these new memories.

Whew! NOW!

THE PROS

Sleeping in!

I don’t have to cook! (well not YET anyway!)

My Mom has lots of shoes and socks to borrow! (read: wear and try to sneak into my suitcase!)

One more kid for art projects!

And also! One more little girl’s head to fix hair! Woo-hoo!

Lots of cute birdies to watch at the bird feeders that I don’t have to fill!

My wash gets done for me!

Long talks with my Dad.

My bed gets made for me!

Spending time with my sweet niece J, goofing around with her, teaching her things, and most of all, just talking to her.

So, there you have it Internets. The good and the bad. One minute I feel like packing my suitcase, and the next minute I feel sad to think of leaving. When it’s good, it’s REALLY good. And when it’s bad, it’s REALLY bad. But, I wouldn’t change a thing.