Smart Mouth

There I was, innocently enjoying the latest episode of American Ninja Warrior. (Don’t judge me.)

In my peripheral vision I see Billy walking past the couch and then all of a sudden drop to the ground and start swearing.

I casually ignored it for a few seconds because Yen Chen was clearing a particularity difficult obstacle and his abs required all of my attention. But when Billy said, ” HELLLPPP!” I finally sat up to see what all the fuss was about.

Immediately, he shoves an angry ball of furry chaos, that vaguely resembles Bus Stop, into my arms.

Me – “WTF!!
Billy – “He got something or had something! I stepped in it! ARGH!
Me – (confused) “Like pee??”
Billy – ” GAH! NO! It’s gone!” (Drops to the floor again.)

I turn my attention to the Ball of Satan trying to rip my face off.

Me – “BUS STOP! WTF?”
Bus Stop – “Let go of me now if you value the upper portion of your body.”

At this point I realize that attempting to contain Bus Stop would be like trying to put a party dress on a Grizzly Bear. I admit defeat and release him.

He launches off of me faster than a rocket full of monkeys and charges towards Billy, who is now lifting the entire couch and commanding I look under it. In terror, I delicately lift an assortment of Bus Stop’s treasures he had hidden under the couch, which includes things like his Unicorn and an empty toilet paper roll.

Me – “WHAT IS IT??”
Billy – “I don’t know.”
ME – “WHERE DID IT GO?!???”
Billy – “I don’t know.
Me – “arrhhhhggghgggghhh”
Billy – “I don’t know.”

Billy is glaring at me like…. take your time Lady, I’m only holding a giant couch aloft here. No hurry…. when Cody calmly walks into the room, bends over and gently picks up a wee tiny frog, takes it to the front door and releases it, all wIthout saying a single word.

I am sweating.
I look down and I have holes in my shirt from Bus Stop’s pinwheeling claws of death.
I don’t know WTF a frog was doing in my house in the first place.
I have no idea where Bus Stop has gone.
Billy won’t stop saying, “JESUS!”
There is going to be hell to pay for taking away the coolest toy Bus Stop ever found.
He didn’t even get to put it in his water dish.

Shit.