Smart Mouth

I call 26 year olds, “kids these days”.

I pay attention to those prescription drug commercials.

I take notes about the prescription drug commercials.

I text my friends about prescription drug commercials.

It takes a few tries to get off of the couch.

“Working out” is mowing the lawn.

Technology starts to baffle me and I have to resort to having my teenagers explain how electronic devices work. I still don’t understand. I start to reminisce about the days when things were easy. GAWD I miss rotary phones.

I look forward to senior citizen discounts and elastic waistband pants.

I wear granny panties.

I look in the mirror and think, “Damn! Look how those granny panties are holding everything in so nice and tight!”

I miss my love handles, because now I have a couple sidecars on my waistline.

My joints creak more than the floorboards in a 100 year old house.

I say things to my kids that my mom said to me and it actually sounds like GOOD ADVICE.

Bingo arms.