Smart Mouth

Talking to a 14 year old is like trying to have a conversation with someone who speaks only Japanese, and is very old, and has no memory or patience and also doesn’t like speaking to people EVER.

Yesterday I was folding laundry, minding my own business, when Carsten walks out of her room and into the hallway.  I have my back turned to her and she shouts, “Is one of them in there?”  I turned around slowly and said, “Is one of who, in where?”  She SIGHED LOUDLY, rolled her eyes at me, did some exasperated arm motion thing and turned and went back in her room.

Don’t worry, Internets, she didn’t get away with that.  I had a Come to Jesus talk with her, which brings us up to approximately 76 Come to Jesus meetings in the past week.  Turns out the “who” was Cody or his girlfriend and the “what” was the bathroom.

Really?  Here’s an idea!  How about saying, do you know if anyone is in the bathroom?  She looked at me like I suggested she poop in a hole in the backyard instead.  

So sorry for making sense. Sheesh. 

Earlier in the day I had been driving her home from riding lessons.  She was drinking a bottled water and I was driving.  With.both.hands.by.the.way.  She starts gesturing wildly and muttering, “Can you???  I can’t!  HORSE!!”  I was like, what in the actual hell are you talking about child?  I don’t know what language that is, but I don’t speak it.  I just got sighed at this time, but not because she actually believes the lie my mother told me story that if your roll your eyes they will get stuck like that, but because she is smart enough to realize that in the car she is MUCH TOO CLOSE of a proximity to my swinging arm and I just might whack her good if she rolls her eyes at me ONE MORE TIME.

What was the teenager translation?  What she wanted was for me to remove the cap from her water bottle because she had horse dust and smell and Godknowswhatelse on her hands.

Oh, the drama with this one.

I know I can’t be alone in this. Someone throw me a lifeline.