All of the following are things people have actually said to me in the past three weeks….
1. I hope someone good/nice/fun moves into your house.
Ugh…. I just told you I’m moving, could we maybe ponder on that for a moment before we move on to your potential relationship with the person who will live in my house? A house that I don’t want to leave, by the way.
2. We will always be friends, nothing will change.
Not true. Everything changes. People take sides. People you thought were your friend will choose to spend more time with your ex and this will hurt. A lot.
3. What happened? Who’s fault was it?
I know it’s human nature to be curious, but asking me to share this information is unfair and just plain rude. Especially if it is right after you just said #2.
4. You are still young/attractive, you won’t be single long, you will find the right person.
This is the last thing on my mind right now. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I was married to the wrong person, there’s no way I’m contemplating a first date with anyone, let alone another marriage.
5. How are the kids? It’s probably better you’re divorcing, I’m sure they had to know something was wrong…
I appreciate your concern for my kids, but implying I exposed them to unhealthy marriage isn’t helping me in my process.
6. I never liked him anyway.
Well, I did. At some point I though he was the right person for me and it doesn’t help me to know that you thought he wasn’t.
7. I bet he will start dating right away.
Uhhhhh, how is this statement supposed to help me?
8. I didn’t call/text/come over because I figured you needed space.
A tornado just ripped through my world, I need my friends now more than ever. Giving me space just sends me the message that this situation is so awkward for you, you’d avoid dealing with it even if it means you sacrifice our friendship in the process.
9. You should take him to the cleaners!
First of all, if you know me at all you should know I’d never do that… no matter WHAT has happened. I appreciate you wanting to take up a sword in my battle, but suggesting I treat him unfairly isn’t healthy for any of us.
10. Let me know if you need anything.
I don’t know what I need right now, I’m so emotionally overwhelmed I don’t know how to figure out WHAT I need. Stop by with wine, ask me to go for a walk, take me out to lunch. Just don’t ask me to articulate what I need, because right now I don’t know up from down.
11. How much does a divorce cost?
Reminding me that I am having to pay for something awful to happen to me is like a punch in the gut. Honestly, if you are that curious, just google it.
Don’t ask a lot of questions.
If you say something, mean it.
Divorce is like a death, but that doesn’t mean I think it shouldn’t be happening.
I will be ok. I promise.