I have moved a lot in the past 21 years, 10 times to be exact…. but most of those moves were with a moving company. Turns out? Movers are pretty important. Who knew? Heh.
Let me tell you a sad sad story, internets.
Once upon a time there was a girl who always moved with a moving company. Then one day she had to move alone and depend on the kindness of friends and strangers to bestow upon her different shapes and sizes of cardboard boxes. Then she ran out. (Of boxes.) (Not kindness.) (Or friends.) The End
So, for the past few month I’ve been packing and packing and also…. packing. As the height of the boxes in my garage grew, my large stash of cardboard reserves were depleted. *sadface I’ve resorted to daily liquor store runs, begging at the gas station, dumpster diving and I’ve even vaguely considered stalking people in uHaul trucks. All in pursuit of the elusive cardboard receptacle.
Desperate times, my people… DESPERATE TIMES.
The people that own the house I’m buying have been kind enough to let me lease the house until my current/ex house (what is the PC word choice here??) is sold. Thank the sweet baby Jesus in the manger for these people. I’m
absolutely fucking terrified a little bit concerned that they’re going to meet me for the first time when I roll up in a uHaul loaded down with all my belongings packed into cigarette and liquor boxes.
Hi! I’m your alcoholic-chain smoking new tenant!
Which, OKAY, is the truth only slightly inaccurate in that while I AM chain smoking and day drinking, I am most certainly not purchasing these items in bulk. Because that would be ridiculous…..
*makes note to start buying these items in bulk. **just kidding. I just stopped smoking. Again. Feels good this time. ***kidding again. I am not day drinking or chain smoking (much). I promise.
Alright, anyways… have you ever moved YOURSELF?!? It’s like the most elaborate, painful, never ending game of Jenga that you never ever wanted to play….. ever.
Two weeks left.
I tried searching Craigslist and there are tons of people with moving boxes for sale. FOR SALE. Who are these soul sucking assclowns that are trying to sell me second and THIRDhand CARDBOARD boxes??? Pay it forward people of Craigslist or I will tell Craig. (which is an empty threat because have you ever been to the Personals section of Craigslist? DON’T. Also, then there is the whole Craigslist murder thing. I’m guessing Craig is on a tropical island giving absolute zeros fucks. (ps. I am picking something up at 7pm, in case no one ever hears from me again.) There are a few kind souls giving away boxes, but I think there is a whole cardboard box conspiracy in which said soul sucking assclowns get free boxes and then resell them. *makes note of possible new business venture.
BUT, I DIGRESS.
The struggle is real. Next stop? Desperation. Which will include an early morning trip to Walmart in my pajamas, a fake baby in a baby carrier, an elaborate story somehow incorporating Cecil the Lion and possibly some crying.
Wish me luck.