Box Crisis: threat level RED

brown_boxes

I have moved a lot in the past 21 years, 10 times to be exact…. but most of those moves were with a moving company.  Turns out?  Movers are pretty important.  Who knew?  Heh. 

Let me tell you a sad sad story, internets.

Once upon a time there was a girl who always moved with a moving company.  Then one day she had to move alone and depend on the kindness of friends and strangers to bestow upon her different shapes and sizes of cardboard boxes. Then she ran out. (Of boxes.)  (Not kindness.)  (Or friends.) The End

#firstworldproblems

So, for the past few month I’ve been packing and packing and also…. packing. As the height of the boxes in my garage grew, my large stash of cardboard reserves were depleted.  *sadface   I’ve resorted to daily liquor store runs, begging at the gas station, dumpster diving and I’ve even vaguely considered stalking people in uHaul trucks.  All in pursuit of the elusive cardboard receptacle. 

Desperate times, my people… DESPERATE TIMES.

The people that own the house I’m buying have been kind enough to let me lease the house until my current/ex house (what is the PC word choice here??) is sold. Thank the sweet baby Jesus in the manger for these people. I’m absolutely fucking terrified a little bit concerned that they’re going to meet me for the first time when I roll up in a uHaul loaded down with all my belongings packed into cigarette and liquor boxes.

Hi!  I’m your alcoholic-chain smoking new tenant!

Which, OKAY, is the truth only slightly inaccurate in that while I AM chain smoking and day drinking, I am most certainly not purchasing these items in bulk.   Because that would be ridiculous…..

*makes note to start buying these items in bulk.  **just kidding. I just stopped smoking. Again.  Feels good this time.  ***kidding again.  I am not day drinking or chain smoking (much).  I promise.

Alright, anyways… have you ever moved YOURSELF?!?  It’s like the most elaborate, painful, never ending game of Jenga that you never ever wanted to play….. ever. 

Two weeks left.

I tried searching Craigslist and there are tons of people with moving boxes for sale.  FOR SALE.  Who are these soul sucking assclowns that are trying to sell me second and THIRDhand CARDBOARD boxes???  Pay it forward people of Craigslist or I will tell Craig.  (which is an empty threat because have you ever been to the Personals section of Craigslist? DON’T.  Also, then there is the whole Craigslist murder thing.  I’m guessing Craig is on a tropical island giving absolute zeros fucks.  (ps.  I am picking something up at 7pm, in case no one ever hears from me again.)  There are a few kind souls giving away boxes, but I think there is a whole cardboard box conspiracy in which said soul sucking assclowns get free boxes and then resell them.  *makes note of possible new business venture.

BUT, I DIGRESS.

The struggle is real.  Next stop?  Desperation. Which will include an early morning trip to Walmart in my pajamas, a fake baby in a baby carrier, an elaborate story somehow incorporating Cecil the Lion and possibly some crying.

Wish me luck.

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14 thoughts on “Box Crisis: threat level RED

    1. Thanks Brittany! But, considering that about 11 people read my blog and most of those people live out of state…. I am thinking this is not going to help my box hunt.

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  1. You will be pleased to learn that when I moved to my apartment, well first you already know I was a beast because it was so perfectly orchestrated it was mind boggling. Also I refused to get cable or internet until everything was unpacked and in its new place in my new home. BUT I had this huge pile of moving boxes in my dining room(area). I put an ad on Craigslist and said the first person to come pick them up FOR FREE could have them. The only stipulation was that they had to take ALL the boxes. EVERY.LAST.ONE. I didn’t want to be tied to random strangers coming over and picking through boxes. Anyway, I suggest smudged eye makeup, dirty hair and possibly resort to using a walker and or cane 😉

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    1. I think that was what just happened to me. The lady gave me about 10 boxes and 2 of them were smaller than my cat. Guess I need a disclaimer that I will not accept boxes smaller than an 8 pound cat.

      Also, great suggestions! Although the logistics of navigating walmart with a fake baby, a walker AND boxes seems difficult, I believe I am up for the challenge!

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  2. #1 I hate moving so much.

    #2 last time we moved we just bought a pack of boxes. I agree crazy. The only silver lining is we have let people virtue these boxes for their moves… For free. Wish you were close enough so you could borrow.

    #3+ good luck with your Craig’s list pick up:/

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    1. I am alive Anne! She was a very nicer older lady, who is STILL messaging me as we speak (an hour after picking up boxes) with different ideas for where else I could find boxes! Haha

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  3. Ah the great box conundrum. Know it well. And even if you find them you usually have to break them down to get them in your car and retape them back up again.

    Here’s a tip. I stored all of my boxes when I moved last time. Everybody thought I was stupid. But when I moved out recently? They were all there wAiting for me. Who’s stupid now?!? (Too bad she’s not here to say that too ha)
    Good luck with your pack and move. Binge drinking is a good helper. But stay away from that chain smoking 😊

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    1. Usually have to break them down? My car is pretty much Matchbox size, I usually have to break down a shoe box to get it inside. So.much.tape.

      I am not storing boxes. I am selling them all for $8 a piece, even the cat sized boxes. Watch for them on Craigslist.

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  4. In spite of what you are going through, you still have humor!!! Kudos to you!! Keep your chin up! Wish I was closer to help pack, commiserate with a bottle wine, and just laugh!!

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  5. Every move I’ve ever made has been done by your truly. With boxes scrounge from wherever I could get them. Until the move to TN, wherein I broke down and bought the damn things from Home Depot. The maybe 50 I paid for my boxes was more than worth not going through what you are now. Of course, I didn’t have a lot of stuff to move, I had already gone down to bare basics through my separation. I currently have multiple boxes stored in the attic, awaiting my next move in about a month and a half. Good luck. And keep laughing. It’s better than a knife to the eye.

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    1. A knife to the eye?? ANYTHING would be better than that! HAHA

      I did break down and buy some boxes from someone, there were 20 brand new Home Depot boxes in the lot… you better believe I am selling those babies after this move!!

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