Asian Eyebrows

 

I went out today to get a manicure and a pedicure. A little present to myself (like I need an excuse) for finally recovering from my poison ivy enough to no longer get “stink-eye” from the South Carolinians.

So, I go to a new nail place. I had went for a pedicure last month, to a really nice place that did a great job. But after I paid by debit card I realized I didn’t tip the lady and I had no cash. The lady that did my pedicure was really nice, until she realized she wasn’t getting a tip. Then she turned ugly and gave me a death glare. I hurriedly left and vowed to not return until enough time has passed that she won’t recognize me. I think about two years should be good.

So, today I tried out a new place. I recieved my pedicure/manicure from a very nice little asian lady that spoke very little English. I am being kind when I say, very little English. What I mean is that about one out of every seven words was English. When I told her I just moved to SC from Kansas she asked me what county Kansas was in. I spent half the manicure/pedicure trying to piece together what the hell she was trying to tell me, and the other half praying she would stop talking. She didn’t stop talking at all. Ever. She talked a lot.

As I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel she asked me, “SO. You want eyebrow wax? “ I said, “No. I don’t think so.” Then she did it. She gave me STINK-EYE! Nooooooooooooo! Not stink-eye! Even though I didn’t understand most of what she said, I hadmanaged to avoid stink-eye. Until now. So, I say, “Ummm. Do I need an eyebrow wax?” She says,, “Nooo. Not if you like have uneven eye brow”.

Sigh.

So, I have a quick ten second conversation in my head. Are my eyebrows uneven? No, they aren’t. Maybe they are. Yes, they probably are. Do I want her to wax them? No, I don’t. Maybe I do. Yes, I should probably be nice and let her do it. (the things I did understand her say were, ‘she not have many customer, she lonely, she sad no make lot of money’ etc…) My eyebrows will grow back, right? Yes, sure they will. Maybe they will. I hope they will. No. They probably won’t. And, sooooo, despite my brain screaming NO! Abort! Run for your life! I say, “Okay, you can wax my eyebrows.” Then, for the next ten minutes she is spreading, and ripping, and spreading, and ripping, and plucking. Oh dear God what have I done? THEN, she gets out a BIG BROWN eyebrow pencil. WHOA. Didn’t we just spend ten minutes ripping hairs from their roots? Now she is planning on getting artistic? What the hell is going on??

But, do I say anything? No. Of course not.

I close my eyes.

<<<<<<Find a happy place! Find a happy place!>>>>>>

Then, finally, she is done. I refuse to look. I tell her through clenched teeth, “I am SURE they are JUST FINE!” I pay her, I tip her, (Yeah. Great. Now I remember to tip) and I practically run to my car, I pull down the visor and see…….

Asian Eyebrows.

Very thin. Very dark.

Asian eyebrows.

I drove a block away and pulled over.

Rub eyebrows with kleenix. Squint in mirror. Repeat.

Whew! There they are! My babies! Under the crazy brown caterpillars asian lady drew on my face are my blessed eyebrows. Kind of thin, but much better looking bare than with her pencil contribution.

I guess I will be finding another new nail place…..

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