Smart Mouth

 This morning in the car on the way to school ~

Me ~ Holy snap! What happened to your ankle?

CJ ~ Oh, that? (points to bruise) Well, it’s just that my ankle is my only device to fight furniture in the dark.

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Later, when picking him up from school for an appointment ~

(Walking past some boys who are hooting and hollering and hanging out a window)

Me ~ Ah? Do you know those people?

CJ ~ Yeah. They are my friends.

Me ~ WHAT is wrong with them?

CJ ~ Oh nothing. They just think you are cute.

Me ~ WHAT?!?! (trying not to smile) Really? Doesn’t that creep you out?

CJ ~ What? No! I just told them that you were 21.

Me ~ Aaaah? Okay. You do know that if I was 21, that would mean I was 9 when I birthed you…… right?

CJ ~ (looking alarmed) Oh ew. I guess I should have told them you are my sister.

Me ~ GOOD IDEA!

CJ ~ Mom?

Me ~ Mmm-hmm?

CJ ~ If you don’t stop smiling? I will get creeped out.

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On the drive to the Orthodontist ~

Me ~ UGH, I got a paper cut! It huuuuurts!

CJ ~ You know, it isn’t really the paper cut that is hurting you, more often the pain stems from the chemicals found in the paper.

Me ~ Really?

CJ ~ Yes. I read about it. Oh! And once? I saw this cartoon where there was a chicken with a sword thru it’s chest and it was saying, “ow” and then there was a man with a paper cut and he was saying, ” @$*&!! $*#^%*!!OW!!!!” And, I think the point the cartoonist was trying to get across was that the chemicals made the man’s cut hurt more than the chicken’s stabbing. Isn’t that clever? AND funny? hahahahahahahahahahaha

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Later still, on the drive to the Orthodontist a car cuts me off and I slam on my brakes and still almost hit him!

Me ~ ARGH! Hhrumph! BLAH! You DICKWEED!!!!!

CJ ~ Your extensive vocabulary is impressive.

Me ~ Thanks!

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Me ~ Wait. Was that a compliment or an insult?

CJ ~ Really, it could be interpreted either way.

Me ~ Tell me which way you meant it or I will karate chop you to the throat.

CJ ~ IT WAS A COMPLIMENT!

Me ~ Really?

CJ ~ NO.