Smart Mouth

 So, yesterday was the field trip to the goat farm….. I brought Flat Ally along in the car and had my speech all ready. I was going to explain the school project to CL’s teacher, and ask if FA could come with us. But, my opening sentence was…… “SO? You know the book Flat Stanley?” I wasn’t prepared when she said, “Nope!”. Oooookay. Eeeerrrrrr. Ummmmmm. Be right back. So, then I just went and got FA, because I figured when teacher saw her she couldn’t say no, and I was right! She loved FA, and so did the kids. Before we even got on the bus, one little boy told me FA was a ROCK STAR!

Sooo, we left for the goat farm.

FA got her own assigned seat, right next to the teachers assistant!

 

CL and I sat a few seats in front of FA and the teacher…

When we got to the farm, FA and I posed at the sign.

It was then I noticed that FA was missing a foot. Oh snap. Not again. I KNEW I should have put some tape in my jacket pocket.

There were a lot of people at the goat farm, not just the children from our school. FA and I got some curious looks (YOU. OWE. ME. RIKKI.) but FA went everywhere I went. Look! With the goats!

(PS. Look at this GOAT! It is GINORMOUS!)

She went to the playground….

Can you see her????

Then, I stuck her back on the bus, and she momentarily felt the thrill of being in the driver’s seat of a BIG yellow bus!

Errrr…. then the bus driver caught me, and I said, “Ahhh? ha-ha? School project! Whaddya gonna do? Anything for the children! ha-ha! ooooooo-kay then! I am just putting FA back! See you later Mr. (Kind and Understanding?) bus driver!” So, I am blaming Mr. Crabface McMeanpants Bus driver for the fact that I severed FA’s other arm as I was trying to get her back to her assigned seat. Yeah. You heard me right. It was the other arm. So, at this point FA only has one limb untouched and intact.

Then we went to McDonalds. We didn’t go in, the teacher isn’t THAT insane, but she did send some poor unsuspecting Dad and I to fetch the drinks. We had to fill 84 cups with Sprite. EIGHTY-FRACKING-FOUR. It was shitastic! Good times!

Then we went to the park to eat lunch. Every. time. I. sat. down. someone sat on me. I got asked questions like, how old are you? (21) do you have a job? (yes. i am a domestic engineer)will you take me to the bathroom? (yes for the girls, no for the boys) can you take my shoes off? (i don’t touch feet) can you put my shoes on? (i don’t touch feet) where did FA go? (mexico?) did you make FA? (yes! no! maybe!) why is FA wearing purple shoes? (because it’s what all the flat kids are wearing) what is FA pointing at? (a pelican! can you see it?) can you come to school everyday? (NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!)

Then for a while FA and I played referee at the tire swing. (why is there only ONE effing tire swing?) I would have taken pictures, but it was a little like trying to keep rabid, really hungry monkeys that are high on crack away from a pile of bananas. Also shitastic. Yay! Good times! I LOVE field trips!

Finally it was over. FA spent the night in the car. I didn’t have the energy to extricate her from the car. I barely had the energy to breathe.

Then today? Birthday lunch! It isn’t CL’s birthday until next Friday, but they only have birthday lunch once a month….. so I showed up at eleven to eat cafeteria pizza! Woot! We bought a book in honor of her birthday, it will be donated to the library.

(Look Brandi! Third day in a row CL is wearing Gracie’s clothes!)

Also, the children had the opportunity to climb me like a tree again, and tickle me (which is especially fun when you are trying to drink milk out of a wee tiny carton!)

Tonight FA is going to dance class! Tomorrow she is going with BB and CJ to pick up the motorcycle, then she is going to karate with them. Sunday we will visit the city sign (great idea Stacey!) and maybe to a zoo! If I partake in few adult beverages, I may try that fast food restaurant thing, or take her out in the paddle boat. She will have a busy weekend…. that is if she makes it through scotch tape triage in the Mel ER.

Over and Out!