Smart Mouth

Dear Cats…..

How on earth does this look edible to you?

Sure, I can appreciate that you like a challenge, and lizards are pretty speedy, but doesn’t the creepy reptilian body feel a wee bit yucko in your mouth?

AND WHY? oh WHY? do you feel the need to bring it INSIDE the house???? Wouldn’t it be just as much fun to chase it in the great outdoors? You need to re-evaluate the wisdom of your gameplan. Because? EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. you bring one of these green beasts into my home, I WILL throw your furry butt in the bathroom and trap that reptile in a tiny tupperware prison WHILE screaming and throwing up in my mouth a little and SCREAMING SOME MORE.

AND?

How tough will you look to the neighbor cats whist I am OUTSIDE SCREAMING and releasing the beast and YOU are INSIDE staring out the window at me? For the love of God cats, your reputations are at stake here.

AND! ALSO! I will leave you in the bathroom for a reallllllllllllllllllllly LONG time. At least until my heart returns to it’s normal rhythm.

AND? AND? ALSO! I will HAVE TO throw away the tiny tupperware prison that I use to trap your reptile and then? I will have to buy a new one… because I will not be able to save food in the tupperware again without seeing your little playmate’s face… AND? I will be using money from the kitty vittle fund to buy said tupperwares.

I have given you two a lot to think about whilst you sit in the bathroom and await my return. But, before I go, can I just mention that I see your paw trying to trip me every time I walk past the bathroom door? It is NOT improving my mood. Listen up cats! You are NOT expediting your release.

Over and out,

Mom