Smart Mouth

 So, do you know what is realllllllllllllllllllllllllllly NOT fun when you have a cold that is trying to kill you dead? Trying to get organized for a six year old girl’s dance recital.

 

Yesterday I had to go into town twice, for group and individual pictures, and also to run here, there, andEVERYWHERE to pick up all the things that I still did not have. Black shoes, white shoes, white socks, red ribbon for hair, purple ribbon for shoes, purple ribbon for hair, tights, extra tights…………..and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I want to quit!

There was a time that I comforted myself by believing that I would have it all together when CL started taking classes and lessons. Because I had used up all my uninformed, last Mom to know, why I am always OUT OF THE LOOP moments with CJ.

But? Ummmm. I was wrong. VERY. VERY. WRONG. And also? Girls are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay harder than boys. And, I am repeating all my Good LORD! WHY! Didn’t! I! KNOW! THAT! moments…. except this time? Way, way, way more often.

I had no idea that there was so much work involved in getting ready for a dance recital, I mean, she is six! How bad could it be? Surely, they don’t dedicate a tremendous amount of effort into the performances of first and second year dance students? Right?

WRONG. UGH. I am an idiot. They do. They are. OMG what did I get myself into?

This would be hard enough to do running on all cylinders, but yesterday? I was operating in a very crabby, very impatient, hopped up on cold medicines, and I just want a blankey, some lotion kleenix and a JUMBO margarita, brain fog kinda mode.

It sucked people.

So, here is the rundown. Recital is next Saturday, dress rehearsal is this Thursday. I spent a few hours this morning laying it all out in the order she will have to wear it. And I am still confused as hell.

Her first outfit is for baton. The white ribbon goes in her hair.

Next is Tap…. purple ribbon tied onto shoes, and the purple shimmery fabric tied around her forehead pirate style. Aaaaargh Matey!

 

Next? Jazz! Purple ribbon in the hair this time… (also I had to hem these pants. Ever tried hemming shimmery pants when you don’t really know HOW to hem? Me neither.)

Next? Pom! (This one is going to suck! Because their are just three numbers between when Jazz is over and she needs to be back out for Pom… in a completely different outfit and hair bow….)

And last….. is Ballet. Again, everything changes, even her tights. UGH. And for this one I have to put her hair in a bun and tie it with a ribbon, I am NOT sure I even know how to do that!

So, yesterday when we showed up for pictures, I was taken aback by how the girls all looked. I felt like I stumbled into a Jon Benet impersonators convention. The dance lady informed me that make-up is required. REQUIRED? Yes, required. Blush, eye shadow, red lipstick AND mascara. Mascara? On a six year old? GAH!

I was not mentally prepared for that. Or physically either…. I finally found some strawberry lip gloss I had in my purse, but as for the rest of the stuff she was SOL. I don’t carry around blush, eye shadow and mascara…. so after the first set of pictures we went and bought her the required make up. She was telling everyone in the store that her MOM! was BUYING MAKE-UP!!!! FOR HER!!!! It was totally exhiliarating for her. It was a little traumatic for me and the other patrons of the CVS. I few of them looked at me like she had just announced I was about to sell her off to the highest bidder.

So, later in the day when we returned for the second round of photos, she was fully tramped out. I have always known she has long eyelashes, she has been getting compliments on them since she was a baby. But with mascara? HOLY HELL. I will admit it. I was jealous. Mine don’t even look that good when I wear additional fake lashes and use SUPER lash VOLUMIZER and EXTENDER.

I don’t what is up with the cross leg, cross armed posing. I swear I did NOT teach her that.

 

I am going to be in A LOT of trouble in a few years. Who am I kidding? I am in trouble NOW.

She got SO many compliments yesterday, she was having a full blown pout-a-thon this morning when I refused to re-apply more mascara. She said, WHAT?!?!?! I don’t get to wear it EVERYDAY? Fowrever? Peopow thought she wooked so purty! Why are yow so meeeeeeeeeean???? WHYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Gah. BOYS. ARE. SO. MUCH. EASIER.