Smart Mouth

So, Saturday my sister Cara came over.  She was really excited to meet Moose, and she planned to stay overnight on Saturday  We were going to take Carsten skating on Sunday.  Cara brought her dog Miko with her, and her friend Cristle and Cristle’s dog Bella.  I know Cristle, and I love both Miko and Bella, so it was no big deal to have all of them as overnight guests.

Well, just about five minutes after they got here, my sister let Miko and Bella out of the backyard.  I had set Moose down, because Moose has met lots of dogs and LOVES all other dogs and I knew that both Miko and Bella were highly social dogs and I wasn’t worried.

Miko took off running and Moose ran after her.  Bella came around a car in the driveway and seeing that Miko was running, she took off after her.  I don’t think she even saw Moose, and she stepped on him.  Hard.  Running at full speed.  Bella weighs about 50-55lbs and Moose weight a little under 2lbs.

Moose started shrieking some God awful noise I have never heard a dog make, and it took me forever to calm him down.  I took him inside and I could tell right away that something was wrong.  He wasn’t just scared.  I tried to get him to eat, and he did eat a little… but he was just acting weird.  Slow.  So tired.  Then he started shaking.  He NEVER shakes… so I started wondering, omg, what if he is in shock?  What if he is bleeding internally??

I called the emergency vet and they said we needed to come in immediately.  We left right away, Cara came with me and Cristle stayed home with the kids.  (bb was still on a business trip)

On the way to the Emergency clinic I almost got into a car accident, probably the closest I have ever come to a serious wreck… some asshat pulled out right in front of me… like I really needTHAT with everything else going on.

We got to the clinic and they did some tests, one of them they took his back foot and tucked it under, so the top of his foot is touching the ground.  This is a way to test for spinal injuries.  What they want to see is the dog immediately correcting it, but Moose was really slow.  Sometimes he just left it there.

So, then they decided to x-ray him.  When the vet came back in with the x-ray results things did notget better.  There was swelling on his vertebrae, right in the middle of his spine, where he had been stepped on.  I kept asking questions like, what does swelling mean?  is he going to be ok?  is this a normal, to have swelling after getting stepped on?  She just kept saying, the next 12 hours are really important.  GAH.  What does THAT mean?

Then she told me that they would be admitting him, to run an iv with saline and also some pain medications… and to monitor him. 

I completely lost it.  All I could think is, it is Starr all over again.  I can’t leave him here.  I said I would never love a dog like I loved Starr, and then I go and do it and THIS happens?  If felt like time had spun backwards and I was back in that room again.  Losing my baby.

Meanwhile, my sister was blaming herself – saying she should not have let the dogs out (she was only trying to let Miko out and Bella pushed past) and trying to comfort me because I was blaming MYSELF – I should never have put Moose down and Cara was also texting Cristle and trying to comfort her because she was back at my house blaming herself too – saying it was HER dog, so it was HER fault.  I couldn’t even talk.  I just sobbed.

They brought him back in so I could see him, and I just knelt by the table and cupped my hand around him and cried.  He was kissing my face, licking at the tears running down my cheeks.  The vet tech said I could take as long as I needed and just open the door when I was ready.  GAWD.  That is exactly what they said to me when I had Starr put to sleep.  It made me sob louder.  I was so embarassed that I was reacting like that…. but I can’t express enough how much it brought back every feeling I had five weeks ago.

I felt like I was going to die, walking out of there.  I called Michelle… and that helped.  But as soon as we hung up, I bawled again.

I came home and had to tell the kids.  I cried again.  I totally suck at being strong for the kids.  I just couldn’t, I just kept thinking…. I CANNOT lose him.  No.  I CANNOT.

Cara and Cristle decided to leave.  Even though I kept telling them both I was not mad and didn’t blame anyone but myself, it was just too hard for them to see me like that.  I was making them feel worse.

I called the clinic about 10 times that night… checking on him…. and I hardly slept that night.  And in the morning, they said that he had improved incredibly in the night and I could come pick him up!!!

He has severe bruising, but the swelling in his spine was gone and while he was still in some pain, everything was going to be ok.  He has pain meds for the rest of this week, twice a day my wee teeny baby gets him some morphine.  He likey morphine.

So, anyway… I don’t know if it was the highly stressful weekend, or the rainy weather… but I am not feeling so well today.  I have a fever again, which is usually an indicator of a flare coming up.  I hope not… but the good news is that my infusion date is Oct. 27th, so I know I will be feeling better after that.