Smart Mouth

So, here’s the thing…. I dream a lot. I don’t dream about puppies and rainbows and unicorns. I dream about awful things and I do not know why. At least 2-3 nights a week I wake up scared to death, either having been murdered or watched some sort of violent act.

I admitted this to a group of friends last week, thinking I was normal. But, erhhmmmm, I guess it isn’t normal to dream of people having their skill bashed into concrete.

Hmmm…..

Here is a dream I had last week:

I’m in a huge back yard with billy. Its nighttime and we are doing yard work. Billy says it’s his favorite time of night because it’s when those military guys do their night missions and all of a sudden there’s a bunch of military men running around the back yard doing tactical training in this huge body of water that is right beyond our backyard.

Billy says it always makes for good entertainment and asks if I remember the last story he told me about them. I think about it, remember and I laugh.

Then all of a sudden there’s two guys in uniforms running toward me (very attractive by the way) but instead of wearing regular uniforms they’re dressed in jumpsuit type things that, in my dream, remind me of the tv show MASH.

Anyway, I realize they are running towards me and I try to quickly scoot across this tiny bridge and into the garden by our huge pond, so I’ll be out of their way. I want to get into a position in which to spy on them. While doing this, I drop a handful of these brown test tube/skinny vase looking things (they look like branches? I dont know!) into the water. (They look a lot like the stems of the big brown mushrooms that are currently growing in my hay bale garden.)

I notice the fish are at the surface acting hungry and I think, sheesh I never remember to feed them! But MAN, they’re sure looking good because there are fish of all sizes in the pond. There’s a cute tiny orange one and then there’s this BIG black one almost the size of my hand and he is adorable too… but OMG! It looks like there’s an orange fish attached to him and I’m alarmed at first, but then decide they are mating because there’s WAY more fish in this pond than the 8 fish I started with. I find the fish food hidden behind a huge rock waterfall thing and as I am feeding them I wonder what they’re eating because the food is SO tiny compared to their mouths and I wonder if I’ll have to start feeding them a can of food a day. I start retrieving my stem vase things that are floating around and as I am reaching for one of them I fall into the water! I’m able to pull myself up on the rock and it must not be deep because I am not panicking yet and then a fish, THE SIZE OF A SAINT BERNARD, swallows my leg all the way UP TO MY HIP!!!!!!

I am screaming BILLLLY!!!!!!!!!! as loud as I can, but amidst my horror I realize I am calling for Billy and not the military guys because I want him to see how FRICKIN HUGE this fish is!

Then I woke up.

What.the.HELL.

All my dreams are crazy detailed like this. I could draw you a picture of the garden and pond. I remember the colors, sounds and smells. It’s more like a memory than a dream.

Doesn’t anyone else dream like this? Anyone? Anyone?