Smart Mouth

1. Even the dog knows better than to go outside when it’s below 0 and tries to avoid the harsh weather by peeing in the garage or a second less desirable location, the front porch.

2. Yellow snow.

3. Take out is more like leftovers because by the time you drive it home you have to reheat it.

4. Getting dressed is liking picking out multiple outfits, because you have to dress in 17 layers.

5. A winter coat that actually keeps you warm looks like you are wearing a mattress.

6. Only really valuable items seem to fall into brown slush.

7. Weighing the pros and cons of leaving your car running and getting your car stolen.

8. Related: you hate all your friends that have remote start on their cars.

9. You decide who you want to go places with based on who has seat heaters.

10. It’s hard to resist kicking snow boogers off of cars and strangers don’t like when you kick snow boogers off their car without asking.

11. Strangers seem to like it even less when you ask for permission to kick their snow boogers off their car.

And the number one thing that sucks about winter for me…

12. Nothing is more embarrassing than it taking three attempts for your little car to make it up into your own driveway, because you were too lazy to shovel.