Smart Mouth

 Dad – What do you want for dinner?

Mel – Doesn’t matter.

Dad – Do you REALLY mean that?

Mel – OMG. No!!!! I take it back.

Dad – (laughing)

Mel – Dad. DAD!

Dad – Ok. Ok. (stops laughing) How about Polish Sausage?

Mel – Errrrrrrrr. Polish sausage? How would we eat it?

Dad – On crackers.

Mel – Oh ok! Sounds good! I like polish sausage!

Dad – (wheezy laughing)

Mel – Wait.

Dad – (Louder wheezy laughing)

Mel – OMG. Is it VENISON?

Dad – Noooooooo.

Dad – (wheezy laughing)

Mel – Why are you STILL laughing?

Dad – (still laughing) (attempts to shrug, but I can hardly tell it is a shrug, since is shaking so much from wheezy laughing)

Mel – Is it RABBIT? SHEEP?!? SEAFOOD?!? TURTLE?!?! Pig? Please let it be pig! I can eat pig!!

Dad – (wheezy laughing and shaking his head no)

Mel – And YOU wonder why I spend so many hours on the internet????? The internet. DOESN’T. make. me. eat. STRANGE. meat.

Dad – Ok. Ok. (trying really, REALLY hard not to wheezy laugh)

Dad – It is bear.

Mel – I am SOOOOOOO done talking to you.

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(((((Ok, internets, did you know that I am ALWAYS cold? I always have a sweatshirt I put on every day, just like Mr. Rogers, because I CANNOT handle air conditioning. The air is set to 75 in the downstairs of my parents house and I have goosebumps ALL. DAY. LONG. But, upstairs where I sleep it gets a little hot. So, I turn the air on the LOWEST possible setting or I just turn on the fan, every night when I go to sleep.)))

Dad – I did you a favor.

Mel – Really? What?

Dad – I turned the air on in your room.

Mel – Awwww. That was nice of you! Thanks!

Dad – (wheezy laughing)

Mel – Ummmmm. Why is that funny?

Dad – I turned it on high.

Mel – Ooooooookay.

Dad – (Louder wheezy laughing)

Mel – Dad?

Dad – FIVE HOURS AGO! HAHAHA-wheeze- HAHAHA- wheeze-HAHAHA!!!

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(Dad is sitting at the table holding a rock)

Mel – Hi Dad! Errrr. Nice rock you have there! But why are you holding it?

Dad – Ever wonder what would happen if you put a rock in the microwave?

Mel – No.

Dad – Well I have.

Mel – Just because Mom is at work, does NOT mean you can put a rock in the microwave.

Dad – But this rock looks like a potato.

Mel – So?

Dad – Could be an honest mistake. (wheezy laugh)

Mel – Give me the rock. NOW.

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Kristi’s comment reminded me of a conversation we had when she was here, and I told her that we were going to go to the Kansas Underground Salt Mine. She asked my Dad a question about the salt mine, and then almost every sentence after that started with…… I probably SHOULDN’T tell you this, but….. blah, blah, blah….. because he KNOWS I was a little freaked at riding 650 feet down INTO the salt mine in a freight elevator during 90 seconds of complete darkness.

All day Sunday and Monday…..

Dad – A football feild!

Dad – The tallest building in Hutchinson, KS!!

Dad – Two city blocks!

Dad – The St. Louis Arch!

Dad – The Statue of Liberty!

Yes. That’s right. All those things are less than 650 feet. UGH. Thanks Dad.