Smart Mouth

1. Never go grocery shopping when you are hungry. The little grocery bagger man audibly GROANED when he saw he was gonna have to pack my two carts full of groceries into a teeny VW bug. He actually said to me, “And EXACTLY HOW MANY people are you feeding?” Errrrrr…. four. Five if you count my son’s best friend who practically lives with us. And I totally counted him! I said FIVE! Three of them male! No further explanation needed!

2. Speaking of Cody’s BF, we are driving him to school this year. Because if I don’t? He has to wake up at 5:30, catch the bus at 6 and doesn’t get to school until 8. That is just seven shades of wrong. So, since I am driving to school ANYWAY and he lives near us, I offered to take him. I could tell his Mom (who is a single mother) felt bad about accepting my offer. I wish I could reassure her, but I don’t know how to tell her how much I enjoy having her son around without sounding like a freak.

3. Caramel Pretzel Klondike Bars are so freakin’ outrageously delicious. I want to eat the whole package of them in one day. One hour even. They should be illegal.

4. Ever think your blog is a curse? Or want to stop? Or wish you could start all over again excluding certain people? I do. Someone said some not so nice stuff to me recently, and even though I KNOW better than to let it bother me, it is ringing in my ears every time I go to write a blog.

5. Gymnastics starts tonight and the gymnastic teachers irk me. At age six I think it should still be about fun. During “try-outs” last week I saw certain girls have their spirits crushed when they were put in a level lower than what they expected. I stayed and watched the older girls practice, and I noticed that there are girls that look at young as 9 or 10 doing front/back flips. My first thought was – OH! Their poor joints! My second thought was – UGH. The teachers BETTER NOT make Carsten feel shitty for not being able to do a cartwheel very well. GAH. Why can’t it just be like it was when I was six?

6. It is still CRAZY hot here… hasn’t really rained in I can’t remember how long. At least our sprinkler system pumps from the pond and not city water. Or I would be B-R-O-K-E! I hate the heat. If I am just walking ten feet from the house to the car? I should NOT feel like I am MELLLLLLLLLTING!

7. Door opening went great again today. I saw a lot of kids and parents that I didn’t see yesterday. But? Remember the free breakfast craziness of last year? (the kids have to be there by a certain time to get free breakfast, and parents kinda lost their minds and drove erratically and dangerously to try to make the time cut off.) I am afraid it is going to be even WORSE this year, because they made the cut off time EARLIER, and if they don’t make it in time? They still get breakfast, they will just be CHARGED for it.

Now, the whole point in having FREE breakfast is that some kids don’t get much to eat in the mornings, because they come from low income families. Sooooooo, it doesn’t make sense to make them have to PAY for free breakfast. That is going to make them freak out EVEN more. As the time limit is getting near… I just feel a little panicked, like I am letting the kids AND parents down by not getting them inside in time. And it isn’t going to get any better. Last year it was Nice Mom, me and Nice Legs Gym Teacher opening doors. This year Nice Mom isn’t going to open doors, and Nice Legs has an early class. So, all next week it will be ONLY ME. GAH!

8. I REALLY hate grocery shopping, but I LOVE cooking. I am really excited about all the things I am making in the next week or so. Carrot Pineapple Cake, Seven Layer Taco Dip, Potatoes and Ham, Bacon Wrapped Hamburgers and Apple Strudel Muffins to name a few! Mmmmm!

9. Have I mentioned my son’s crazy love life? He and his GF have broken up and gotten back together about 79 times in the past week. And Austin (Cody’s BF) isn’t any better, currently he is putting his girlfriend through what he calls “A Love Test.” A whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? What the eff is a love test, you ask? It means he is breaking up with her to see how she reacts. My response when he told me this? OH HELL, ERRR, I mean HECK NOOOOOOOO! Sheesh. This weekend is gonna be Girlfriend Bootcamp around here. Somehow I have to find a way to pound proper boyfriend etiquette into their brains. Any ideas?

10. I got tickets to go see So You Think You Can Dance when they are out on tour! That is the only thing keeping me from falling into a pit of no tv show despair! I feel SO lost now that the show is over! I must find a new reality show to take it’s place! SOON! Anyhoodle, the concert is October 23rd! I am taking my camera and 17 back up batteries. So, if you don’t like SYTYCD? Stay away from my blog on October 24th! Because I will be posting 431 videos of them dancing, all including the audio of me shrieking “I LOVE YOU DANNY!” and “I LOVE YOU NEIL” and especially “I LOOOOOOVE YOU DOMINIC” until I have absolutely. no. voice. left.

WOO-HOO! YEE-HAW!