Smart Mouth

That is WHY!!!!!!!!!

I was minding my OWN business this morning… I logged in and was ready to do some commenting when…… (imagine scary music here) a FURRY spider walked across my desk! EEP!

So, I ran to get a Kleenex, fully prepared to send him to spider heaven. But then I had second thoughts about murdering him. I HATE SQUISHING things, AND? Maybe I could just catch him quick and fling him out the door, where he could make a web and start single-handedly killing all the OTHER creepy crawlies that I hate.

So, I get a piece of paper, make a spider trap (I folded the paper in half so if he tried to run I could flip it quick and road block him!) But what does he do?

HE! FREAKIN’! JUMPS!

Not a little jump either! A HUGE straight out of a horror movie jump! GAH! And WHERE does he land? On my keyboard!!!!!!!! DOUBLE GAH!!!

I scream, NOOOOOOOOOOO! but it is TOO late, he is ALREADY under the keys.

So… now I am trying to get him out. I am banging the keyboard. I am maniacally pushing keys trying to CRUSH him. I am using my canned air, which btw, is PRECIOUS to me. I love my canned air and its ability to get lint out of my keyboard! BUT? Apparently canned air’s powers can move ONLY lint, and NOT spiders. Because ALL I did was give him some fun sliding action. I swear I could hear him screaming, “WEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Did I mention he had FREAKY PINCER TEETH? And he knew how to use them! The little bastid kept peaking them up through the keys and snapping them at me. Freaky spider teeth make me SCREAM!

Do spiders have vocal cords? Because at this point I am CONVINCED I can hear him laughing.

I don’t know what to do! Walk away? But then I won’t know WHERE he goes!!! Stand there, watching and waiting? But then I might urp my breakfast bar!!! I choose to wait.

It. was. TORTURE.

FINALLY, after 93 minutes (OK, so it was really more like ten minutes, but it FELT like 93!) he comes out. I wait until he is two spider steps away from the keys and then? I BLAST HIM WITH CANNED AIR! And he flies FAR away from the keyboard!!! WOOOT!

BUT? Like a baseball in a sunny sky, I TOTALLY lost sight of him while he was in the air. Even an exhaustive search, I never found a trace of him. Not a single hairy leg blown off by a burst of canned wind. Boooooo!

I just KNOW he is hiding somewhere…. planning revenge.