Smart Mouth

So, on Friday the Pest Control Guy calls me from the driveway, he is in his truck and afraid to get out. No problem, being afraid of a 160lb dog is understandable, right? I go outside and shut the dogs in their kennel, noticing that the kennel’s back gate is kinda bent and not latching well. But I decide it isn’t too bad, it looks secure enough to hold them and I start walking back to the house.

The Pest Control Guy is getting his equipment out of the back of the truck when all of a sudden he bolts around the truck and jumps inside it. I turn around to see the dogs exiting the kennel. Sooooo, back to the kennel we go, and this time I put a big heavy hose on a reel in front of the gate. I don’t know why on earth I thought a garden hose would stop a horse sized dog, but I digress….

I assure Pest Control Guy that all is well, and I go back inside. Not five minutes later I hear the doorbell. I go check the front door. No Pest Control Guy. I check the other front door. No Pest Control Guy there EITHER. So, I am standing there trying to remember if there are any other doorbells on my house when I see the dogs are out again, and I hear Pest Control Guy weakly calling, Heeeeeelp!

So, yeah. Pest Control Guy is in the garage, curled up against the door, holding his huge spider web scraping broom out in front of him for protection. Once I recover from the shock of a grown man trembling in fear and waving a web covered broom, I tell him to go inside the house and I shut the dogs in the garage.

Then I go BACK inside the house and PC Guy apologizes, and tells me this looooooooooooooong story about a horrible experience he had with a wiener dog. Towards the end of the story my cat walks by, and he says, OH! YOU! HAVE! CATS! TOO! and he practically runs outside. I am standing there thinking, Holy Hell. You haveGOT to be kidding me.

So, I go outside to watch him work, because I knew there had to be more things he was afraid of.

And there was! Several times, he hurriedly scooted out from under the house. I was trying to pretend to be busy watering a tree, but he must have caught me staring at him. He starts explaining to me that he is afraid of spiders too, and he had to come out to “catch his breath.” Ooooookay then. Not just he doesn’t like them… he is AFRAID of them. He went on to explain that if he saw a snake under the house? He would not be going back under the house, No. Matter. What. Can’t say that I blame him there, but spiders? Isn’t he supposed to be protecting ME from the spiders?

So, later, he comes inside to tell me how much I owe him and to talk about when/if I want him to come back. I haven’t had THAT much trouble with bugs, and I am kinda a cheapskate, so I am trying to decide if I want him to be back every other month. Reflecting on the day and also to kill some time whilst I decide, I ask him why on earth he picked pest control for a job? He says that he tried to work in an office environment, but he can’t because is just too horribly claustrophobic. Just then my cat walks by again, and I think I heard PC guy squeak just a little.

And right then I decide, OH Hell YES… Pest Control Guy needs to come back. Because a claustrophobic Pest Control Guy that is afraid of pets AND pests would be worth every dime!