Smart Mouth

I am sitting here staring out the window, puzzled that the world outside my window seems so calm.  The sun is shining and the sky is blue.   Why isn’t the sky a frightening shade of grey?  Why isn’t the ground cracked and every object within sight tumbling into the abyss?  Because that is how it feels like it should look, that is how it would look if it reflected what I am feeling right now.

Stacey has Leukemia.  AML to be exact, Acute Myelogenous Leukemia.  She is being transferred to a different hopsital, one with a cancer ward as soon as tomorrow or Saturday morning.  She will start Chemotherapy right away, an intense seven day round of chemotherapy. 

The memorial service for Henry will be on Saturday, I have sent a message to those of you that I believe live near enough to attend.   Some of you may already know about it, Stacey couldn’t remember who she had talked to today and who she hadn’t. If you would like to know where the service is being held, either to attend or to send something, again, just PM me and I will provide the information.

I have decided that I won’t go this weekend.  At least this minute I have, I may change my mind again in another minute.  My first instinct is to rush to her side, but she has more than enough support right now.  This weekend will be when the most people are available, as they will be in town for Henry’s service.  So, when we spoke today we talked about me waiting to come until after her first round of chemo.

Truth is, I don’t know how much help I would be.  I would like to think I could keep it together, but thoughts are screaming through my head and I can’t seem to stop crying.  And I am sure she has a bagillion other people that love her as much as I do, and are offering to fly to her side as well.  How do you find the balance between being helpful and not being an overwhelming pain in the ass?

Please pray for her.  As happened 13 years ago, events of the past week have made me question what kind of God lets these kinds of things happen to someone that I love so much.  But, I can’t stop praying, because it is all I can do right now.  And also, she isn’t angry at God like I was… she believes everything that happened with Henry happened to save her life.  I hope all of you will pray too, I would truly appreciate it if you did.