I comforted myself by stopping off at the Coach outlet and buying myself two purses. Happy B-day to me 12 days early!
I left a red purse at that Coach Outlet that I am fairly certain I will dream about for the rest of my natural life. But, despite my sadness I could NOT justify THREE purses. I could however, justify TWO.
Anyhoodle, then I got back on the road and commenced crying most of the last part of my drive home.
I don’t know why I get so sad. My Mother and I have errrrrrrr…. a stressed relationship sometimes. You know those thoughts, theHORRIBLE ones, that you have in your head but NEVER say outloud to ANYONE? My Mom says ALL of that outloud. And, being somewhat sensitive… (ok, WHO am I kidding?) beingREALLY sensitive, I get my feelings hurt lots when we are around each other. But, I enjoy every moment that I spend with my Dad… and when she isn’t inserting foot into mouth, I enjoy being with my Mom too.
Yesterday I felt really shitty… I think partly because we were busy all week and it caught up to me, and partly because I was already stressed about them leaving me… and being alone again. I was in a lot of pain, the kind of exhausting pain that means I spend the majority of the day drifting in and our of consciousness. And, they were both so kind to me. I felt bad, for ruining their last day here, but they insisted it was enough to just spend time with me and not go anywhere, even if that meant watching me sleep. And, even in the depressed state I get in when I feel like that…. I believed them. I accepted that it was OK to let my body rest, and to be weak in front of them. I am not able to do that with many people. Not many at all.
And so…. like I usually am on the day they leave, EVERYTHING makes me cry. My Mom just called again right now to say they got on their flight, and I am sobbing again. Gah.
I think I will go search for some chocolate and then watch some mindless reality tv and cuddle my new purse.