Smart Mouth

***Warning!  This is a LOOOOOOOOONG blog!

1)  I need Reality Show Addicts Anonymous. Groomer Has It is almost over, Top Chef, and Workout just ended.  And Flavor of Love!  Oh how I will miss you!  How can you NOT miss a show that gave you the words UNAPPROPRIATE and ROMANTICAL?!?! 

Thank the LAWD for So You Think You Can Dance and the new season of Project Runway.  Have you seen some of the other NEW shows?  She’s Got the Look (think America’s New Top Model for women over 35) and Master of Dance AND I survived a Japanese Game show!  And The Mole is BACK! 

See?  Send help.

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2) I called the VA in MN to ask about transferring to their facility.  After Eligibility got all my info entered I thought I would just ask if the dr I had 10 years ago was still there.  I had been afraid to get my hopes up, because she was the best doctor I ever had.  But GUESS WHAT?!?!?!  She is STILL there!  Woot! 

I am so excited to see her again.  She remembered EVERYTHING about me when I was her patient, and she cared so much about me I even talked to her on the phone after I moved from MN to OK.  I even considered naming Carsten after her (her first name is Maren) , I liked her THAT much. 

But the best part is ~ No more Dr. ASSMUNCH!  Yay!

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3) I am finally going to see Sex In The City tonight!  Only 14 WHOLE days since it was released!  I have NO idea how I survived a wait THIS long!

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4) Tomorrow morning I am going car shopping!  My lease is up and I am going to go to the VW dealership and look at:

The VW Toureg 2 –

and the VW Tiguan –

I wanted to keep some kind of VW, but my bug was just too little and had no trunk space.  I wanted a four door with an intelligent key.  I rented a Nissan Maxima in MN and fell in love with the intelligent key, and both VWs have it too. 

The key stays zipped inside my purse and as I walk to the car the drivers door unlocks, and I just push a button in the car to start it.  When you get out of the car you push a button on the door handle and it locks the car.  And you NEVER have to take the key out, which is WONDERFUL for me, the Queen of Losing Car Keys!

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5)  I just read the rules and regulations for our new neighborhood and they only allow 2 dogs and 3 cats.  Uh-oh!  I have 3 dogs and 2 cats.  Think they will substitute one cat for one dog?  Or should I just get Murphy a cat costume?  Or if confronted should I just say, “well, I thought it was ok because Murphy THINKS he is a cat!”   GAH!  I am skeeeered of the Home Owners Association!

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6)  There are also WHOLE bunch of STOOOOOOPID regulations, like:

~ No honking a car horn in your driveway.  Errrrrrr, how else am I supposed to get Cody to hurry up?  The actual regulation reads, “No owner or occupant shall cause or permit the blowing of any horn from any vehicle in which such owner or occupant is an occupant anywhere on the property, except as may be neccessary for safe operation thereof.”  WHA?!?!?!  Who the eff writes this shat nasty?  It makes my brain HURT!

~ Pet droppings must be picked up immediately after the pet litters.  Errrrr, I NO touchey the warm poo!  Sorry! 

~ No clothes, sheets, blanket or laundry shall be hung out of a building or exposed to view.  Well DAMMIT, how am I going to get crisp undies that smell like fresh air????

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7)  My computer keeps making a weird sound, like “do-do-doooo!”  A little annoying chimey bell noise.  I have looked EVERYWHERE to see if I left a program open and whatnot, but cannot find anything.  Even though my speakers are muted it STILL makes the noise, at least once every minute or so and it is driving me INSANE. IN. THE. MEMBRANE.

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8)  We have moving dates.  Our realtor is closing on the house for us on July 18th.  The movers will pack on the 21st and 22nd, load on the 23rd and 24th, and then we will drive in the camper with my chilluns and with three dogs (one of them being certifiably GIANT) and two cats.  Good times!  

I might possibly need to be sedated for said trip. 

Then the movers will un-load on the 28th and 29th.  After that I will un-pack, organize and arrange the house until either I am finished or I drop dead from exhaustion.  Sounds fun, doesn’t it?  I know you are jealous.

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9)  Did I tell you what my nosey neighbor next door did whilst I was gone?  BB asked her to feed the pets and get the mail for him while he was gone for 2 days.  (IMHO two days is NOT enough to ask someone to get the mail… not like the mailbox will be over-flowing!)  But anyhoodle, she got the mail and when BB went over to get the mail she said, “I am just going to keep Melisa’s People magazine and her Family Circle magazine and her US magazine and I will give them back when I am done reading them.”

O

M

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WHAT?!?!  Who in the EFF does that?  And then when she had her son bring them back on Tuesday (the day AFTER I got home) it turns out she had kept Cody’s Popular Science magazine for her son to read TOO.  Sweetbabyjeezus I CANNOT get away from this woman SOON enough!

10)  Carsten has a friend over today, and I am thinking bad thoughts about her.  She is a sassy little turnip, and whenever she is here Carsten feels the need to SCREAM EVERYTHING SHE SAYS.  Lawd have mercy.  I am holed up in my room with the door shut, chanting – “Find a happy place, find a happy place, FIND. A. HAPPY. PLACE.”

11)  My sister Cara is coming to visit next weekend!  WEEEE-haw!!  We are going to go to Myrtle Beach for the weekend!  Yay for the ocean!