Smart Mouth

And here I am, so I guess that tells you what I have decided to do.

Charge to 200!  CLEAR!

It is has been a looooooooooong time since we spoke Internets, and there have been a lot of things that have happened.  I don’t even know where to start.

Cody has his permit now, tho we don’t really do that much driving.  In keeping with his slightly odd behaviors, he has decided that driving is stressful and he is not sure how much, or even IF, he wants to drive.  Should I see this as a testament of my parenting?  Because when it comes to getting your driver’s license, on the day they turn 16 don’t most teens act like the gun just went off and they are shooting out of the starting gate like the odds on favorite to win the Kentucky Derby?

Not Cody.  It goes kinda like this:
Me – Wanna go driving?
Cody – Meh.
Me – Tomorrow?
Cody – Nah.
Me – The day after?
Cody – Unlikely.
Me – Next week?
Cody – Too soon to tell.
Me – EVER?!?!
Cody – Can’t answer that.
Me – GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I just keep thinking…. BUT I have been COUNTING on this.  Just who in the hell is going to go drive to the store and get the makings for tuna salad or smores or creme brulee at 11 o’clock at night when I am too tired and in my jammies and my mascara is all smudged like I was just on the losing end of a brutal girl fight? HUH? WHO????

Besides his permit, Cody’s other big change recently is the realization that maybe it is best if he doesn’t continue to pursue and date girls that are completely batshitcrazy.  Thankthesweetbabyjesus.  His new girlfriend is SMART.  As in, I need a dictionary when I secretly read the chats that they leave open on Facebook.  But, that sweet internets, is a WHOLE. OTHER. BLOG.

What else?

Carsten turned 9.  She had a completely adorable birthday trip to the zoo with my bestest best friend Carrie, her daughter Chloe and two girls that live in the neighborhood.  They sprinted from exhibit to exhibit squealing with delight and naming animals and doing other random little girl shit.  Then we ate lunch outside, where the wind gust were approximately 40-50 mph.  They spent most of the time rapidly shoving something in their mouth and then using both hands and a knee to hold their lunches down to the table.  My sister Cara and her athletic prowess astonished me once again as she caught a piece of pizza in mid-flight.  Then my pop flew at Carrie like something out of an episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey.  After that we stopped trying to eat.  Carsten’s birthday parties never fail to disappoint.  (Remember last year and the camper camp out when Carrie and I slept outside, got about 30 mins of sleep bc in between freezing our asses off, taking someone indoors to pee, and the flucking honking geese there was just no time for beauty rest??? Remember THAT??)

Anyway…. she is nine now.  Nine is apparently the age where you begin your education into becoming a mean girl.  Because the last week or so I feel like all I have been doing is giving lectures on why it is mean to exclude so and so from such and such.  There have been more tears and tantrums than a drag queen beauty pageant.  I am thinking of making a giant wheel with all the neighborhood kid’s names, and just spinning it once a day to decide who exactly will receive the verbal ass chewing of the day.  I might just add all their mother’s names to the wheel too…. but again, that is WHOLE. OTHER. BLOG.

What else?

Cake business has picked up.  I have been making 3-5 cakes a month.  Go me!  I even made myself an official looking order form and business cards.  Since there seems to be something in the water in my neighborhood, there is a different ankle biter having a birthday just about every few weeks!  That’s just good for business, so keep on procreating neighbors!  I have also had a few orders via the internet, thank YOU Faceplace!  And I even had complete stranger (a friend of a friend) order.  I have a wedding reception for 200ish people coming up in July, so that should bring in even more business.  Unless I royally fluck it up, which is why I am already having night terrors about frosting and floral placements.

Ok…. well, I think it’s better to always leave you wanting more…. so I will sign off for now.

Is my blogs heart still beating?  I don’t know?  Talk to you soon?