Easy like Sunday morning…


It was a beautiful Sunday morning, the sun was shining and the birds were singing. The windows were open and a gentle breeze was tickling the edges of the curtains. I sunk into the well worn cushions of my couch and took a deep inhale of my cup of rich coffee sweetened with pumpkin spice creamer. Ahhhh…. I love Fall.  I watched a leaf float gently to the grass and……

YIP YIP YIP YIIIIP!!!! Yipyipyipyiiiip! YIP!!! YIP!! YIP! YIP!!
Uhhh….. WTF?
I get up and go to the window and I see my back fence neighbor standing on his deck holding his dog. The dog is struggling to free himself, it looks like it would be perfectly willing to fling itself to the ground in if that is what was necessary.

My new neighbors Guy and Judy are the nicest people. (With those names I think they’re pretty much required to be.). If Mr. Rogers had met a lady and moved to the suburbs, they would be Guy and Judy.

Anyway…. Guy looks lost. He goes inside with the dog and comes back out alone. He stands there staring straight ahead. I try to see what he is looking at but there are a few huge pine trees blocking my view.

The dog is losing its mind. It is inside the house and I can STILL hear it like it is standing right next to me. It only sounds a little muted. Maybe Judy has her hand over its mouth.

Guy goes back inside and comes back out holding the dog.  He looks like he is wrestling a greased pig.

YIP YIP YIP YIP!!  YIPYIPYIPYIP!!! YIP YIP YIP!!!!

The dog now looks it’s trying to launch itself into the pine trees. What the what? Is something in the trees?
Guy goes inside.

Guy and Judy come out together and stand there looking confused and forlorn.

Gah. Fine.

I go outside. They are nervously staring at the corner of their deck.

I say, hello?

Their eyes dart over to me and then back at their deck. Without breaking her stare in the opposite direction Judy says, oh Hi… ummmm…. your cat is over here??

Oh JESUS.

I walk across my yard and have to jump the fence, then I slowly cross their yard and climb their deck stairs. They watch me like they’re witnessing Jesus journey through the wilderness.

I get to the top of the steps and look to my left and there he is. It’s Chuck. He’s sitting there like some kind of judgy gargoyle statue, and he’s just gazing at Guy and Judy like they’re standing on HIS deck.

Me – come on Chuck!

Chuck – I am a statue.

Me – here kitty kitty kitty….

Chuck – I CANNOT believe you just called me kitty.

Me – CHUCK.

Chuck – what?

Guy – he seems….. friendly?

Me – heh. He likes to sit on decks. Just not MY deck.

Chuck – this is true.

Judy – so he’s not afraid of anything, is he?

Chuck – NOPE.

Me – you should just let your dog chase him. 

Chuck – waaaaait a minute.

Me – CHUCK. LET’S GO.

Chuck – I was just leaving anyway.

I go to pick him up and he jumps clear of my grasp and we all watch him glide through the yard and leap the fence like some kind of circus gazelle.
Then he perches on MY deck and stares at all of us.

I swear I can hear him laughing.

I apologize profusely to Guy and Judy. They laugh nervously and reassure me it is fine, when we all know it really isn’t fine at all.

Oh well. At least he wasn’t on their roof. Because yes, that has already happened too.

*sigh

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