Smart Mouth

So, it was an interesting weekend around here. All of a sudden my daughter has decided she is all grown up, and wants to do everything on her own. So, as I mentioned in my blast yesterday, I slept in on Sunday. I vaguely remember her asking me to poke a straw into a juice box at a little before seven, but that was the last I heard from her. This is totally unlike her. Usually, from 6:30 on, she is waking my up every five minutes with IMPORTANT questions like, do these shoes match my shirt and why do giraffes have long necks and spots? Soooooo, when I drug myself in consciousness at 10:15, panic set in within seconds. Errrrr, WHERE is she? Why did I get to sleep this LATE?!? GAH!

(BTW. Her name is Carsten. I have decided I will just use her real name, or CL in the blast if I need to shorten it. That is what the poll results were too. Pretty even for her real name and CL. And? CJ’s real name is Cody. But, the poll came out more in favor of CJ than his real name, so I guess I will keep using CJ.)

Sooooooo, I go into the kitchen. And Carsten had been BUSY. Me thinks I need to hide the kitchen stool from now on. She had made herself toast. She thought it would be yummy with some sugar and cinnamon, and even though I have a WHOLE FRACKIN’ SHAKER filled with cinnamon/sugar SOLELY for the purpose of making yummy toast, she bypassed that and MADE. HER. OWN. MIXTURE. GAH! It was like a sugar factory exploded in the kitchen! She rounded out her breakfast with cookies and the aforementioned juice box I basically opened in my sleep.

Then today? I wake up at eight. House is quiet. While I am brushing my teeth? I hear something outside, it sounds like yelling. So, I go out there and I find her zooming up and down the driveway on her big-wheel, yelling (AS LOUD AS SHE CAN) with one arm raised in the air, “BOOOOO-YAH BABY!!!!! BOOOOO-YAH!!!!”

 

So, I go back inside. Mind my own business. I figure I will let her BOO-YAH all she wants, might keep my neighbors Mr. No Shirt Guy and Baptist Minister’s Wife Would You Like To Join Our Church Lady at bay.

A little later, Carsten comes inside and tells me she PICKED us some breakfast, could I please cook it for us? What is it? Three mushrooms. EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!

Does she even eat REGULAR mushrooms, the safe ones, the kind from the grocery store can? That come sliced and clean? Or the kind that come all cooked up and yummy on a pizza? Noooooooooo. She doesn’t. She acts like she is going to urp if I even suggest it. But now I am supposed to fry them up for breakfast? Errrrr, no thanks.

So, I made her a English Muffin thingey instead, and like usual, some genius in the family removed all the muffin thingeys from the package and threw the package away. WHY does the package that I NEED get throw away, but the EMPTY granola bar, fruit roll up, and cracker boxes get put back into the cupboard? ARGH!

Anyway, she says, Why are you staring at my muffin? and I say, because I am thinking about how to cook it. and she says, Just put it in the microwave you SILLY WOMAN!!

WHO IS THIS LITTLE GIRL?!? Boo-yah? Mushroom cooking? Calling me a SILLY WOMAN?

Question: When does school start?

Answer: NOT soon enough.

Anyhoodle! Remember the poison plants? I didn’t pull them out. I know. Bad me. My neighbor that was all freaked about the seeds being poisonous ending up planting them too. They are just too pretty to resist! Mine are where the dogs can’t go (because of the underground fence) and the kids know not to touch them. AND? Seems like a lot of you were interested in receiving some poisonous seeds! Mwahahahahaha!

So, this is what they looked like when I first showed you:

And this is what they look like now:

HOLY TALL GORGEOUS POISON PLANTS!

Also? One more crazy thing going on here. I had a moment of panic yesterday, when I opened Roxie’s rabbit hutch and found a nest of fur. The last time that happened, I moved the fur and found four babies. So, I frantically asked everyone that has been in this house for the last month if they let the boy bunnies visit their mommy bunny, which EW! I would feel SO BAD if I had some baby bunnies conceived in incest! GAH!

Well, I checked the nest a ba’zillion times, because I couldn’t reach everyone I needed to, but finally later in the day I did. And there were no conjugal visits. Hallelujah! AMEN! By then I had googled it too, and found out that rabbits can have short bursts of hormones that convince them that they are pregnant. They call it false pregnancy. They feel pregnant, eat like they are pregnant, act pregnant, they can even produce milk! HOW BAD WOULD THAT SUCK?!? You go through ALL that HELL, and pull out oodles of your pretty hair to make a floofy nest and then NO BABIES!!!

I wish rabbits could have chocolate, because I bet a snickers would make her feel better.

It always works for me.

Have a GREAT Manic Monday EVERYBODY!